Travels of the Myopic Juice Hunter (Chapt 2)

Nearsighted as he might be, our Myopic Hero was unfazed.

He committed all his resources to a journey that would take him to the Land of the Fog, to find the mythical Tree of the Life Juice.

As he walked, he noticed the geological formations below his web-toed feet.

Mother Nature, it seems had followed a strange pattern. There were rocks of all sizes, large and small. However, the largest of the large never seemed to exceed a certain size. And for every large there were many more smalls.

Why even a bird brain could understand that once all the largest marbles had been removed from the pool there would only remain the smaller of the geological formations. And once the the bigger of those remainders were removed, there would only remain the smaller of what Mother Nature had created.

It was a simple truth. He was still a long way off from the crazed frenzy of Fog Land. This basic concept seemed clear as a desert oasis to our intrepid voyager. Soon, however, he would forget himself as he fell into the drunken world of the Life Juice.

Travels of the Myopic Juice Hunter

While

wandering

in the

wilderness,

our Myopic Hero

stumbles upon a stranger with wonderous tales. He speaks of an elixir that gives one ever lasting power. It is called the Juice of Life. It comes in flavors, sweet and sour. Those who posses it attain great powers, abilities to transport almost instantly to far away places, abilities to work large farms with a single hand, in short to enjoy a life style that soon becomes non-negotaible.

But where to find this wonderous juice, asks our short of vision voyager.

A tree, answers the wise stranger.
It roots in the Land of the Fog. There is only one such tree and all who know of it seek it out to satiate their ever growing thirst.

Pushed & Pulled into the Fib Pit Once Again

They mis-led us about their Cause 'a Bellie (reason for war) the last time around. Remember their WMD Intelli-flops and flips? Remember their We'll-be-met-with Showers-of-Flowers fibs? Remember Colin Powell's UN show & tell? Remember Valerie Plame? Remember Niger Yellowcake?

Now they deceive us again.

This time their deceptions and diversions spin about our so-called "Pain o' the Pump".

They suggest a conspiracy of greedy oil giants. They point to evil foreigners who withhold the goodies from us or take what is rightfully ours.

They play the partisan pull-me push-you game. All to keep you away from knowing what is really happening on the global scale. Global production is falling behind. Global demand is leaping ahead. --Production will never catch up with Demand again. We are rolling over the peak and falling into the downhill abyss.

The politicians are forever suckering us deeper into the tar pits with misdirects and misleads.

Learn the deeper truth here at The Oil Drum

Seeing is Believing

Seeing
is
believing.

To control the ape brain,

One needs to control what it sees.

Hide the unpleasant pictures.

Flash the enobling ones.

Nobility is, as nobility shows itself.

Do not gaze on the image below.
It is a hoax.
Fabricated by unpatriotic traitors.
By those
who refuse to see
that freedom is on the march.
Them who did not cut and run,
now lay proud, free and noble.
Dare not criticize them who made the ultimate sacrifice,
or those who gave them the opportunity to do so.

Sad is when you make me look Bad

See my minion smile.

His resignation is now
on file.

He failed to make me look good.

So leave he must for sake of nationhood.

I am the Decider man.

In other words, doing the hard decisions as best I can.

These are hard hard times.

Thank Higher'd Father for the guy that writes my rhymes.

Make Me Look Good

Image is Position in our Pyramid Scheme Society.

At every station up along the Triangles of Power there stands a Lord who bades his or her minions to make the Leader Look Good, or else.

Bad news does not shine a politically proper kind of spotlight in the Leader's throne room.

Bad news, real as it may be, is to be buried, denied and denegrated.

Cornucopian news, false as it might be, is to be blared with bubbly enthusiasm from every bullhorn in the Leader's realm.

"Make me look good" is all that counts.

So what if a catastrophe of epic proportions threatens the Kingdom? So what if the coffers are spent beyond all measure of rational exuberance? So what if the armies are meeting with defeat after defeat? So what if the economy is faltering? So what if the liquid of power is running dry? Ours is not to question. Ours is not to be disloyal. Ours is to bow in awe of that shining image on the top of the Hill.

We sure know how to bow to false but authoritative images.

Chicken Little Bumps into Mr. Ostrich Head

The concept of Chicken Little (CL) confronting Mr. Ostrich Head (MOH) comes from Anthropik here

Not discussed is the risk v. reward equation. Let's say there are equal chances that CL and MOH are right. If MOH is right and we panic & spend money trying to fix a problem that is not there, well then we are out of that amount of money. If CL is right and we DON'T panic & spend money trying to fix the problem, then we pay the price of the sky falling on our head. Which is worse?

Three Amigos Ride Again

Legend has it that a great civilization once existed where only these ruins remain.

The Spiral of Life

In the Beginning,

There was Fire.

And the Humans saw it as Good.

Their civilization grew and spiraled outwards.

Overtaking forest and brush.

And on the second Day they discovered Coal.

The Humans saw that it was better.

On the Third Day they found oil.

Their numbers spiraled to astronomical numbers.

3 Billion, 6 Billion, 12 ... to the moon and beyond.

And then, on the Fourth Day, the Oil began petering out.

There came onto them a prophet of salvation from the North

Speaking of wonderous sands.

LaLa #3--Best Musical

To tune of: Ghostbusters (1984)

Turn the Beat on ON (here real.player)

(Moodsetter...)

Doh doh duh, Do,
Dubya, Dubya; Boo!

Republic-busters…

If there's somethin' strange in your GLOBAL hood
Who ya gonna call?
...Republic-busters!!!

If it's somethin' crony an' it don't look good
Who ya gonna call?
...Republo-busters !!!

(Doh duh do Do,
Dubya, Dubya Boo!)

I ain't afraid a no Republi-cyst
I ain't no Republi-poligist

If you got mixed messages spinnin' thru your head
Who's gonna be fair?
... Republi-busters !!!

An' Invisible Hand sleepin' in your bed
Oh! Who can ya tell?
Republi-busters!!

(Doh doh duh dah Do,
Dubya, Dubya Dubya, Boo!)

I ain't afraid a no Republi-cyst
I ain't afraid a no Republo-mist

Who ya gonna tell?
(republi-busters)

If you're all alone, pick up the phone
An call .... (republi-busters)

I ain't no Misagno-NIST
Ooh I hear they like the girls
I ain't afraid a no Republi-pissed
Yeah Yeah Yeah

(Doh duh Do,
Dubya, Dubya Boo!)

Who you gonna call? (republi-busters)
Mm…if you have republo-problems mister
Freaky Republi-bribe or corruption problems sister
You better call .... Republi-busters!!!

Ow wooo!!!

(clink clang jail door bang
catch 'em, jail 'em, dang)

Bustin' makes me feel good ...mmm
Oh yeah

(Doh duh Do,
Dubya, Dubya Boo!)

I ain't afraid a no Republi-cyst
I ain't afraid a no Republo-fear-an-mist

Don't get caught alone,
oh no
… republi-busters!

When they comes through your door
Unless you just want more ...
I think you better call ... republi-busters
Ooh... who you gonna trust? (republi-busters)
Who gonna do your bust? (republi-busters)
Ah, I think you better call (republi-busters)
I can't hear you…
Who you gonna call? (republi-busters)
Louder! (republi-busters)
Who can you call? (republi-busters)
Who do you tell? ...republi-busters …
How ya gonna rid that smell? (repeat through fade)

LaLa #2: BrokeFEMA Mountain Award

A bunch of good'ole boys take their fishing-for-answers gear up to the situation room.

They claim they was in there all that time fishing for answers.

They weren't fishin' for right answers. They were coddling and cronying up with each other. They were incompententating with each other. It's disgusting what they was doing.

The Lemming Appreciation of Leadership Award (LaLa #2) in the category of "leadership unbecoming" goes to Brownie, Bushie and Cherrytoffy for conduct above and beyond BrokeFEMA Mountain. Unfortunately they cannot accept the award tonight because they're at it again. Here to recieve the award on their behalf is Scott McLietellin. Come on up Scott and get your come up'ins.

LaLa Traitor-to-the-Course Award

Nominations are coming in for the LaLa's.

(Lemming Appreciation of Leadership Awards)

This category is for anti-leadership, for not staying the course.

To understand why George Clooney deserves it, go here

Their Tongues Were Wailing God

In our prosperous lemming holes there are many who wail the name of God.

You humans may find kinship with some of our worshipping brothers.

Take for example those of our lemm-folk who worship Alla-Lemm AchBear. They say that the God inside their mind is the one and only possible God. There can be no other. All lemmings must obey his word or perish. The name and image of his holy prophet, Moe-had-Lemm must never be disrespected. If they sense anything that smells of disrespect, they go into a wild rage, burning things and caving in other lemming's tunnels. It is the will of their God.

Another faction of our Lemming Brotherhood worships Jee-Lemm Christopher and claim that he, rather than Moe-had-Lemm is the true prophet of God. The Jee-Lemm worshippers have a God who is shaped differently from the one and singular Alla-Lemm AchBear. The Jee-Lemm God has three heads. His follwers call the triune heads: The Paternal, The Offspring and The Holy Spirit. Jee-Lemm was the Offspring. You can't see or touch The Holy Spirit. You just got to believe.

Sometimes the Jee-Lemm worshippers go on "Holy" Crusades against the followers of Alla-Lemm AchBear. Sometimes the followers of Moe-had-Lemm go on "Holy" Jihads against the worshippers of Jee-Lemm. As they go about killing each other and destroying the world, their tongues wail the name of God.

Pondering the Plundering of the Ports

He who brought you Atta-Boy Brownie once again asks you to trust him by looking deep into his compassion-filled blues eyes.

He knows goodness when he sees it.

He knows that it is "GOOD" to shut American and British companies out from servicing "our" ports.

He knows that it is "GOOD" to invite into the hen house the Islamo-foxes who swear there is no God but their God and they will kill us if we do not unconditionally accept Allah (blessed be his name).

He knows that it is "GOOD" to ponder plentifully the plundering of our ports.

In Bush we trust. All others pay homage to his holy name. Amen.

Feathery Friends

Birds of a same feather, it is said, flock together.

Some birds meet at the watering hole.

We have a Grand Old Party Time.

Ya all drop down now. Hear?

"Stay the Course" LaLa --Part II

In our history-wide search for

The Lemming Idol,

for the "Stay the Course" leader
who most deserves the coveted prize, namely,
the Lemming Appreciation o' Leadership Award
(the LaLa), we came upon a fundamental truth:
The Lead to the Ledge is not a function of the "Who",
but rather of the Times and of the Missed Turns along the Road of History.

Almost all Leaders are "Stay the Course" ones.

It is those who by ill chance, fall into the lead just as the course of history hits an inflection point, who become acursed.
It is they who must bear the "Mark of Cain", the "blame" for having been a bad leader in a time of "crisis", when in truth almost all leaders would have done the same.

It was not Cain's fault that he saw not the shift
away from a man-powered vegeterian life style
(being a tiller of the soil, a life style he considered "non-negotiable")
to an alternate life style that his rancher brother, Abel, was adopting.

No wonder that Cain became enraged with jealousy when the animal-powered, rancher life-style (sheep herding) outdid the old ways of the soil tiller. Cain had missed an inflection point in the marketplace. He lashed out in the only way he knew how. He liquidated some of his human assets. And for that he was punished with the fickle pointing finger of "blame", with the Mark of Cain forever imprinted as his exclusive trademark.

(The real Abel, by the way did not disappear. He came out of bankruptcy under a new trade name, Seth. The Sethians flourished. They domesticated yet more of the beasts beyond just the sheep. They learned to work with copper and iron. They yoked the oxen and bade them to do all manner of man's work. In time, the beasts of burden were replaced by a petro-powered progeny that made the children of Cain, Abel and Seth more "productive" than they had ever been before. They felt as if they had gained "dominion" over the earth and the sky. Dazzled by their own brilliance, by the unbounded power of an Abel human mind, they were ready to rocket on to new conquests. They had lost sight of where all the energy had come from. Their self-esteeming inner light blinded them from seeing the next inflection point (the "Peak") a coming their way. It deluded them into belieivng that the marketplace, the worship of a Smithian God, will always provide. None was his brother's keeper and each clawed and tunneled only for his own self gain. But that is a story for another day.)

It is only the rare and brilliant leader who realizes we are at a point of inflection in the affairs of things and who can turn the herd and guide them away from the cliff.

And what, we ask you, is the reward of such a leader? The herd barely notices. Fame goes to those who lead the glorious charge over the ledge, to Pearl Harbor and beyond. Glory comes to those who edge the millions to their deaths under the guise of an "unavoidable" war against an "evil" enemy, or a "catastrophic" turn of events that no one could have foreseen, not even Cassandra.

Lemming Leadership Award Categories

Tis the season to hand out awards.

The humans worship their Great Pretenders (a.k.a. "actors"). Soon they will be passing out golden ape statues (a.k.a. "Oscars") to each other for having fooled themselves into believing that something fake (staged) is actually real. It is the ultimate achievement of the human brain to celebrate fakery, delusion and denial in such magnificent style. We lemmings applaud them.

Not to be out done, we hand out Lemming Appreciation of Leadership Awards.

The Golden Rodent statue is not passed out on whim or whip of a tail. Each category deserves great consideration before we acknowledge a ledge mate who has led the charge for glory and a new dawn (or for a cliff down or a river drown).

Categories for LALA's (Lemming Appreciation o' Leadership Awards) are many. Most coveted is the STC-LALA: the "Stay The Course"-Lemming Appreciation o' Leadership Award.

We lemmings are very egalaterian. Any human, animal or extra-terrestrial, who led a large portion of his/her species toward the edge or beyond can qualify for a "Stay the Course" LALA. There are so many worthy candidates to choose from, past, present and fictional.

Nominations are now open and subdivided among a number of important categories: (1) Politicians, (2) Cult Leaders, (3) Biblical Figures, (4) Business Leaders (5) Entertainment Leaders, and (6) TBD: To Be Determined

Evolution of the Herd / Mob Instinct

There was a time when the human species was small in population and faced attack from predatory animals.

Evolution then favored those who possesed genes that fostered the Herd / Mob instinct.

The weak and isolated apes would gather into a frenzied mob and hurl stones at the attacking carnivore.

Had each primate engaged in rational thought about danger to the self, the mob would have never formed. Evolution found a way to reward those whose genes allowed mob mentality to override rational thought.

That was then. This is now.

We see in the picture to the right, a mob of humans attacking Egyptian police officials because a ferry sank and loved ones were lost in February 2006. The mob attack will not bring the loved ones back. The mob attack will not drive away predatory carnivores.

And yet it is there. Deeply etched into the makeup of the human critters.

Genes that once worked to preserve the species now drive it over the edge.

Wowo Wee ! Only Lemmies Stampee-d

According to an updated Forbes report, at least 73 of the human creatures have been counted as dead.

It was the desire for private wealth, for winnning the WOWwo WEE lottery that drove them into the maddening frenzy.

Meanwhile, in another story relating to human over population, the chase for survival and for earning a living in this mad, mad world, the British Telegraph reports over 1000 human critters killed in mass drowning incident. We Lemmings empathize with you humans. Many of us die in stampedes, mass drownings and other over-the-ledge runs for survival's sake. I guess we share many attributes, no?

Chronicles of Nary-a-Sheehania

The children feel safe when they know that those with courage to stand up for truth and justice are on board.

And so it came to be on the eve of the Emperor's State of the Empire Speech that the Robed Ward entered the magical chamber to join forces with the Lion Defender of Ly'in and Spy'in and to do battle against the White Witch of Sheehania.

The Witch of Sheehania was always bitching about her lost boy. She failed to see the magic of Christmas and of the White Washing. Her T-Shirt was dark and carried a gruesome number: 2,245, the number of the beast.

Our children need to be protected from such horrid realities. So the Lion sent his forces of good up into the Galleries to remove the thou-protest'ith too much Witch from the festivities.

Praised be the Lord and the Lion. The Emperor's speech came to be delivered without a hint of the Witch's Warnings. The children went to sleep happy and safe that night.

And the Generals proudly wore their We-Don't-Symbolize-Anything Costumes. All in all, it was alovely evening.