Wednesday, September 21, 2005

War on Nature Declared by Bring'em On Leader

Having been surprised by terrorizing attacks on multiple fronts, the fearless Leader of the NorthWestern Human Burrows declared War on Mother Nature (and also a war on pornography at the same time).

"You know, we'll put together a force structure that meets the threats," said the Great Chief Sitting Bush after his positions were attacked.

"And we got a lot of forces ... ourselves," he retorted after having been warned about the forces of nature. "And as I said yesterday, anybody who wants to harm America ... will be found and brought to justice. There are some who feel like that if they attack us that we may decide to leave prematurely. They don't understand what they're talking about, if that's the case. Let me finish. There are some who feel like that, you know, the conditions are such that they can attack us there and here. My answer is bring them on. We got the force necessary to deal."

The surprise attacks in New Orleans and Galveston did not phase the Fearless Leader of the Humans. "After September 11, the doctrine of containment just doesn't hold any water, as far as I'm concerned," he said. "We must deal with threats before they hurt the American people again."

"Had we joined the Kyoto treaty, ... it would have cost America a lot of jobs. It's one of these deals where, in order to be popular ... you sign a treaty. But I thought it would cost a lot -- I think there's a better way to do it. I just told you the facts, sir. The quality of the air is cleaner since I've been the president of the United States. And we'll continue to spend money on research and development, because I truly believe that's the way to get from how we live today to being able to live a standard of living that we're accustomed to and being able to protect our environment better, the use of technologies. ... I think we've got to be very careful in balancing the ethics and the science. ... Science is important, but so is ethics, so is balancing life. To destroy life to save life is -- it's one of the real ethical dilemmas that we face. ... The approach I took is one that I think is a balanced and necessary approach, to balance science and the concerns for life."

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