Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Follow the Rum-full One

Donald likes to drink his own rum. We like him. He is so upbeat. We will follow him to the edge and beyond.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Shrine of the Incompetent Design

Many a Lemming in our commu -nity have joined The Church of the Incom- petent Designer.

They see clues.

They see clues everywhere.

They see evidence of a Creator who is careless, callous, clumsy, childish and cruel, in short, incompetent.

Take our solar system for example. What kind of competent creator would leave debris between Mars and Jupiter so that large asteroids would smack into Earth every 600 million years or so and extinguish essentially all life on the planet? And having seen it happen once, what kind of competent creator would let it happen again and again? Clearly our solar system, if not the Universe, is the handy work of an Incompetent Designer.

Friday, November 25, 2005

"Running out of" Milk, Bread and Oil




"Running (1)

Out (2)

Of (3)"

"______" (4)




(You fill in the blank)

Got Milk? (a must see parody)

Got Bread? (French kind? Running out of money?)

Got Oil? (Vegetable, Mineral or Crude?)

Got a Rational Mind? (Liberal, Conservative, or Out of the Box?)

Got Water?

Got a Future?


The runner up to the prize, last word (Got what?) is so cliche that it almost puts one into a hypnotic trance. "Honey, we're running out of milk! Be a deer and run to the market for more, will you?"

Maybe it was "Bread" we were running out of, you know, the French kind you insist on finding in the pastry aisle of your supermarket next to the Let-Them-Eat-Cake bin.

Or maybe it was "Oil"? No difference. The market always provides. Supply and Demand. What ever kind do you need. What was it, mineral, vegetable or crude? Doesn't matter. It's in the oils, condiments and abiotics section. It's always there in full stock. Trust us. We, the mega-providers are here to serve you and take care of you. (Our selfish profit motives take a secondary back seat to what is best for you.) We are here to always give you what you need. No need to worry your pretty little brain. No need for Congressional oversight. It will always be here for you. Continue as always with your life. Stay the course!!!!

Hell, Lemmings do.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Exponential Thanksgiving

Dear Lord,


We thank thee for The Hockey Stick.



We thank thee for population growth.


We thank thee for ever-increasing demand for real estate.

We thank thee for ever-increasing demand for fuel.

We thank thee for dividing thy world into nobles and peasants

We thank thee for choosing us to be the noble "owners" of this "ownership society" and for giving us dominion over the non-owners.

We appreciate (with compound thanks) that ye hath provided us with multitudes of herd mentality masses to perform menial tasks for us and to buy fuel from us and to pay rent for the privilege of living on the real estate properties that we were born to possess.

We thank thee for having birthed us on third base so that we don't have to make "ultimate sacrifices".

We thank thee for having birthed us on third base so that we can afford those "thought tanking" minions (at the think tank insitutions) to help us keep the greater herd under control with use of framed manipulation of the mass thought process.



Now let's invade that Turkey.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Cut and Run, Stage Right

Some pictures speak for themselves.

What was that about "cowards who cut and run"?

Dem Dem dummies aren't the only ones who don't know which door to head fir.

Ledge Pledge Babbylon

"Bully" comes only in Boy Color (supposedly).

"Bully" comes only in threatening threads of violence to be done (supposedly).

What does it mean to be "cut" from the herd?

Simply because you challenged the sound logic

of "Stay the Course"?

Simply because you would not adhere to your Man's Man Pledge

Of continuing with the Band of Boys over the Ledge?


...excertps from She-Lemm Jean's Bully Babble-ons:
"A Call from Colonel Danny Bupp ...
He asked me to send a message to Congress
"Stay the Course"
He also asked me to send
Congressman Murtha a message, that
Cowards Cut and run, Marines never do...
America and the rest of the World Want
Assurance from This Body
That We Will see This Through
My remarks were not directed at any member of the House
I did not intend to suggest
... that they apply most especially to the distinguished gentleman from Pennsylvania
I ask unanimous consent that my words be withdrawn

[Accordingly my bell is hereby "unrung"]

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Advancing to the Edge

George L. Jumpsoon
lives a bit up the road
from his neighbors,
the Flintstems and the Bumbleheads.

George thinks of himself as being
a bit more "evolved" than those
backroad rodents down the hill.

George is a science simpleton.
He thinks "evolved" means "advanced".
He thinks he whizzes around in a
"High Tech" vehicle, a transport means that tells everyone,
George has "arrived".
This is the Jumpsooner Generation.
Everyone is Globally Interconnected by our Flattened
Tunnels of ever expanding Prosperity.

No one told George his High Tech Vehicle rolls on four wheels.
Just like the older ones of his Neanderthal neighbors.
He is no better. He just thinks he is.
No one told George that "evolved" means he is a random freak of nature.

Pesty Price Noises

Voles are Vocal.

We meet in our holes.

And make important noises.
Noises that increase the Prosperity
of our Civilized Labyrinths of Wealth.

See Barney and Betty-bye Bumblehead.
See them making price noises.
Betty wants to burrow more.
"The deeper we dig ourselves into a hole," she says, "the wealthier we will be."

The prices of holes in the ground
have always gone up.
No Lemming has lost out by staying the course.
Once you dig yourself into a quagmire, you keep digging.
That is the sense of the commons (common scents).
No one argues with common scents.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Buy it All Barney

Fred Flintstem's friend is a gullible, lovable bumble head.

They call him Buy-it-All Barney.

He can't help himself.

He was programmed from birth for one, and one function only, compulsive consumption of all things advertised.

Buy-it-All believes The Markets will always provide.
They always have.
Cars, planes, trains, ...
Luxurious homes for the stars ....
All plasticized and rasterized ...
Where does it all come from? All this Prosperity?
Barney doesn't care. The Markets provide.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Intelligent Redesign of History

A Story for

Li''ll Lemm -lings

Ta Learn From:

Brave Billy the Goat recalls a moment of

Courage and Decisiveness in his Life. It is important to never mis-rememberize what actually happened.

Brave Billy was doing some "hard hard" readin after having graduated with distinction from theNo-Prince-Left-Behind Program at the National Guard Academy for Noble-Cause Cousins & Cronies.

Suddenly from a leftist corner there appeared another with Bad Bad news. WTC7 had gone straight down even though no plane had hit it. What to do?

Billy pondered and pondered. Then he realized the kind folk that done put him in power were even dumber than he.

So after many minutes of sweat, anxiety and ponderin; Billy the Goat made a Decisive move. He got up and run.

The moral of the story, Little Lemmlings is this: We can always Intelligently Redesign History.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Knowing One's Place

Willbee-mother FlintStem, or Wilma as she is better known at the Lemming Community Center, knows her place in Lemming Society.

The LemmLord Intelligently Designed her Body to be a Birther of little Lemmlings, to be a Nurturer of Family Values, and to be an Unwavering Lover of the Life Tribal.

After all, the Lemm Commandments command each "One" of us to "Be". And to "Continue" And to "Stay the Course" (Deviate not from thy Directed Direction).

And To Remain True To The Tribe .

Wilma lives her life accordingly and lets others do so also. Live and let live, she always says.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Element-Tree Education

Fred FlintStem is a rock solid member of our Lemming Lodges.

He knows what he knows.

He knows what his five common senses prove to him to be the truths of this Universe.

Just as there are 5 common senses, there are 5 elements: Earth, Sky, Fire, Water and Trees. It is elementary. Every Element-Tree School graduate knows it. We hold these truths to be self evident.

The Earth, of course, is our home and source of mineral wealth.

The Sky is a pie-in-the-eye dream.

Of the last three, the most important are the Trees. Without trees there would be no Fire. Without trees, the rain Waters would flood our Labyrinths of Prosperity.

Fred heard rumors of a Terrifying "Peak Tree" Theory. Someone said we might soon start running low on trees. Fred scampered up to the top of his hole and perched himself on his hind feet. He looked. He listened. He smelled.

His trusty snout smelt the succulent odor of fresh vegetation. It was as powerful a signal as any Petro-age Humanoid might smell when whiffing in fresh vapors at an all night gasoline station. It was still all there. The "Peak" theory was another freak story. Fred's FlintStem brain assured him that the source of life, the source of our Prosperity, would be with us for a long time. No need to worry. No need to fret. Everything is Matada.

"Stay the Course" is what our Lemming leaders tell us.

Fred is a stick-to-it guy and proud of it. In the Lemming Army he learned the Core 4C's: Commitment, Consistency, Courage, and Cooperation. Even if it seemed that the ledge loomed near, a Lemming-Trooper stays the course. The herd stays on its path. We stand our ground. It's a philosophy that has never been wrong before.

Those who profess this "Peak" freak fright stuff are not using their 5 common senses that is for sure. Any Lemming can go up top and smell the forest. Nothing like the smell of fresh palm on a Sunday morning.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Dancing in our Dens

Time too much has been spent
on the Human Animals and their Travails

One might fall into the
Illusion That "They" are the Center of the Universe.

Well known it is though,
Lemmings are the Center of the Universe.

We ruled the Earth. It was constructed for us.

The Intelligent Design of
Our Labyrinths of Prosperity
Prove the Point.

Happy Times are Here Again in the West Culture Digs
We prepare to give thanks for the Bounitful Harvest
of Consummmable Goods and Goodies
passed down to us from the "Invisible Claw".

Fred FlintStem and his neighbor Brainless Barney
are this day celebrating with their She-Lemms,
Will-be-mother and Bettie-bye,
the glorious coming of the Retail Splurge Season,

Merry Times are wished for All.
And to all a Merry Mindless Mortgage Engorgement Season!!!

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Panic Dem Dummies

Here at the A-sy-lum, I likes to play wit de other inmates.

I likes to kep em in a constant state of panic.

De utter day I freak'd em wit stories about how's I see terrorrrrists everywhere.

They gone wild. It gave me power. It gave me control capital to spend over dem.

Today I decided to play a new panic angle. My friend, Range Rover calls it panic politics. It's a hoot.

Speaking of hoot, We decided this one was from the birds. Ya all panic now. That there avionic influence-zooma is a coming. Rapture is coming. Yee hah. Get along you Panic-strucken Dem Dummies. Do my bidding oh minions of mine